Family Values

I am excited today to share a topic we recently talked about in our parenting class for several weeks; Family Values. To be more specific, the importance of creating a Family Value Statement.

To set the stage, I started by sharing this awesome video clip from Stepmom. In this scene between Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon, the step-mom and mom were discussing a lie told by Julia Roberts, the step-mom, at a PTA meeting to defend her stepdaughter. Her belief, or value, was that winning at all costs is important and lying is acceptable if it is deemed necessary. This had the mom, Susan Sarandon, upset because this went against her belief that lying is never acceptable and winning without dignity and grace is not winning. She held that what this taught her daughter was that the next time things get tough she will remember how easy lying was and how it can get her through the situation. To mom, her daughter is not learning how to stand up for herself and do what is right when the stakes are high and the peer pressure is on. The last exchange between Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon′s characters in that scene is the claim that they are both trying to turn the daughter into each other. While our goal may not be trying to turn our children into ourselves, the Word is pretty clear that we are to train our children up in the way they should go(Proverbs 22:6). That means we are to teach them both about God and His ways and to help them to discover the talents that God has placed in them so they may grow in them. When they are walking in His ways and fulfilling the unique purpose in their lives…they will not depart. As parents, we have a vague sense of our values, in that we know what is important to us. We can tell what those things are because it is often what keeps us up at night. The things that we are willing to fight or die for. The things that guide our personal priorities. (I know I spent a few Christmas Eves at the crazy stores picking up a last minute gift for one of our children or grandchildren so everything was fair for my wife′s sake.)

As the scene in Stepmom pointed out to us, the things that are really important to us is not only in our words, but in our every day actions. Our kids are are hearing our words, but they are also watching our actions and when our actions don′t support our words or what God says, we bring confusion to our kids. Having only a vague sense of our values gives too much of a gray area and a greater opportunity for our kids to depart from their path.

Being intentional and identifying your family values and creating a family values statement is important because it crystallizes the values that are important because it defines a set of behavioral guidelines that are for the entire family, parents as well as the kids. These guidelines are based on your beliefs about how the entire family members should behave. Of course, these beliefs need to line-up with Gods Word. If they don′t, then we need to evaluate why these beliefs are important to us. While it is not my intent to dig into that here, let′s just leave it at the fact that we have a tricky enemy that is doing all that he can to keep us from discovering all that God has for us. When we go after and get the truth we will see and know what is really important to us. That is part of what this ministry is about.

The family values statement gives you a target to aim for and something to measure your actions against. Dad may say that family is important to us, but the family may say that work or sports usually comes before family. Dad chooses to put these things first when he doesn′t have to. One of the children may choose to put friends ahead of planned family events. The family value statement shows where everyone is at and can allow you to put a plan together to fix the problem.

Family value statements can even make family activity decisions easier and more enjoyable when you have something to measure against. Your family may find service to others important and decide that instead of spending another stressful Thanksgiving day with extended family that there is no connection, you go to a shelter and serve dinners to the homeless. Or you plan one weekend a month as a family to participate in an outside ministry activity. The most important thing that a family values statement does is to help you fulfill God′s purpose for your family. You are intentional in how you are training up your children up in the way they should go.

This doesn′t have to be a long process and can be quite enlightening to you and your family because the entire family is involved in the process. The first step that you need to make is not getting something on paper. The first step is simple, but key; make the commitment to create it AND live within the statement. If you are committed, then stay tuned as we give you the steps and tips on walking through this valuable process and having some family fun along the way.